Monday, 4 July 2011

The 4th of July

Now i love this country, I love the eccentricity of its population, I love the rich history, and the ever evolving diversity of its culture. However I'm not so keen on its weather. I do sometimes wish there was a way to move Britain into warmer waters, next to Jamaica would be nice! clear blue seas and unending sunshine would do a lot to improve the British disposition not to mention our tans.
As I glanced at the calender this morning whilst idly trying to imagine a Great Britain without grey skies and drizzle I saw that it was the 4th of July and I thought to myself that now would be a good time to put out a plea to our American Cousins. I'm fairly certain that the USofA does not actually need 50 states, I mean seriously 50! that's an awful lot to remember 49 on the other hand is a much much smaller number that is by far a lot more simple to recall. but what would happen to the remaining State? I hear you ask, well the answer to that is simplicity itself they could give it to us. Of course the State in question would have to be pretty much permanently sunny as we Brits crave sunshine in the same way that Lady Gaga craves press attention and Dogs crave the meaty buttocks of an overweight postman. So the State would have to be Georgia. But why Georgia? Well for one it's already named after and in honour of King George II  which saves the hassle of having to come up with a new name and secondly its warm summers and mild winters would be ideal for us soggy Brits to be able to dry out and cheer up. Its white sandy beaches and clear blue seas would make for a welcome
change from the likes of felixstowe which is more of a test of endurance than a relaxing summertime destination with its stony foot shredding shoreline its murky brown/green waters and the views it affords of Britain's largest container port not to mention the odd unexploded bomb that occasionally adorns the optimistically named "beach".
Felixstowe "beach" Suffolk England

But what's in it for you my American chums?  Well over here in the UK we get ripped off financially left right and centre so much so that the term rip off Britain has become well established as a phrase to describe the squeeze that is thrust upon the British consumer due to the apparently huge costs associated with popping products across the Chanel from the mainland. Not to mention the cost of fuel which now requires that our first born be sacrificed in order to pay for a full tank of petrol. If we were given the State of Georgia I can almost guarantee that given access to American retail prices the resulting consumer spending explosion would single handedly and overnight reverse the financial crisis that we all find ourselves embroiled within, therefore ushering in a golden age of wealth and prosperity for all. Now whats not to like about that?
And that's just the financial rewards the social rewards would be even greater we would be able to build actual pubs in every town and serve actual beer instead of lager. There would be fisn 'n' chip shops everywhere and what better way to liven up a long distance car journey then having to switch from the right hand lane to the left hand lane and navigate a series of roundabouts the minute you drive over the state lines? we would also treat you to such cultural delights as Morris dancing or Dancing the Maypole or if you fancy a dose of adrenaline then how about trying the extreme sport of Cheese rolling. So while your celebrating the 4th of July spare a thought for those of us who were left behind and try to see it within your hearts to generously donate to us the state of Georgia.

Well I hope you enjoyed this little bit of light hearted mick taking
until next time
Me. 

1 comment:

  1. I think that you'll find that we're already a state of the U.S.A David. All hail the great Satan!

    ReplyDelete